Individual Relationship Counseling

in Brentwood and throughout TN

Does it feel like no matter what you are doing in your relationships you feel isolated, uncared for, alone?

Maybe you notice in your relationships, you constantly default to people pleasing by: 

  • never saying ‘no’ to any request or invitation, 

  • going along with what everyone else wants with a smile and ‘i’m good with whatever,’

  • taking on the responsibility to take care of others, including their emotions,  

  • saying ‘i’m sorry’ so often it feels like your catchphrase, 

  • responding with ‘i’m fine’ or ‘i’m good’ when asked how you are doing, 

  • isolating when you are feeling down or overwhelmed.

Maybe you notice in your relationships you are hyper-independent: 

  • Being reluctant to ask for help-if you ask for help at all,

  • Not seeking others advice or opinions when making decisions-even if you are filled with anxiety over making the ‘right’ choice,

  • Over-extending yourself to complete everything on your own,

  • Setting high goals and expectations for yourself and everyone around you,

  • Disbelieving that anyone can help you the way that you need,

  • Keeping everyone at arm's length so no one knows what’s really going on. 

Maybe these things began when you experienced hurt from a parent. Or maybe they began when a best friend violated a boundary. Or maybe they began when a romantic partner betrayed your trust.

Whenever it first began, you realize you have been people pleasing or distancing (maybe even both) your way through your relationships for as long as you can remember, having learned that to be the best family member, the best friend, the best partner, the best means you have to defer and take care of the people around you… always.  That there is no room for you in these relationships, so the only one that can take care of you is you…and only in isolation.

If you ever forget what your relationship role is, your inner bully is there to remind you in the harshest of ways. 

  • - Telling you that if you deviate from pleasing others then ‘you’re a terrible kid for not visiting your parents,’ or ‘your partner is really struggling, make sure you tack on those extra household chores to your to-do list, otherwise what good are you?’ or ‘don’t burden your friend with your problem, that’s a quick way to lose them.’ 

  • - Telling you that if you allow others into what’s going on for you, reaching out for support, ‘why would they help you?’ or ‘wow asking for help …what are you, stupid?’

  • - That your needs, wants, and feelings are not as important as others, and to have good relationships means to make yourself small, to make yourself needed, to please and give to others, but rarely to yourself. 

You have been doing all of this to have relationships that are fulfilling, meaningful, and close…so why do you feel drained, burned out, and maybe even resentful? Most of all you feel alone…lonely.

Relationships we focus on:

Childhood parent relationships

  • inattentive parents

  • overly critical parents

  • guilt-tripping parents

  • overly controlling parents

  • parents who struggled with substance use

Romantic partner relationships

  • inattentive partners

  • overly critical partners

  • guilt-tripping partners

  • overly controlling partners

  • non-helping partners

How would you feel in your relationships if you…

You only say yes to invitations that excite you or feel meaningful and important to you. 

You give others the freedom to ask you for help with chores or work and to speak up about how they feel, while giving yourself the same permission and freedom.

You're able to respond honestly with how you are feeling and feel secure in reaching out to others to ask for space or help or even to vent when you are feeling down or overwhelmed…or even to celebrate when you are excited about something you’ve done.

You continue to show up for the people you choose to have in your life, bringing compassion and acceptance, while also allowing others to show up for you.

Your inner voice is soothing and encouraging, letting you know ‘it’s fair to not be visiting your parents, you need time to yourself,’ or ‘your partner is really struggling, let’s check in with them about how they are doing,’ or ‘your friends care about you, they want to show up for you and help you where they can.’ 

You find that your relationships feel fulfilling, meaningful, and reciprocal. You have relationships that you feel close to and who also feel close to you. You find that the people you are in relationships with know you…all of you…and love you just as you are!

How Counseling Can Help!

  • Going back to the very beginning, explore what your childhood relationships looked like, what was modeled for you regarding communication, emotions, relationship roles and its impact on your relationships today.

  • Challenging the accuracy and helpfulness of the beliefs you have about how you need to be in relationships in order to have relationships.

  • Developing the skills to: let others know how you're feeling, what you're needing; how to listen and hear from others; and how to create compromises which honors you both.

  • Building confidence that the people in your relationships can be honest, supportive, and consistent.

  • Giving yourself and others permission to be unique individuals who show up in their own way, giving space for each relationship to look, feel, and be different, while also healthy.

  • Allowing your needs and wants to take up space, knowing that you are deserving of loving relationships not because of what you do or give, but because of who you are.

  • Attaining meaningful, trusting relationships where you feel heard, supported and loved, in relationships where you are able to hear, support, and love.

In building these skills, you create space to interact compassionately with yourself and others in your life, accepting that you can take up space in your relationships-essentially set boundaries. You realize that by defaulting to people pleasing and being overly reliant on yourself, you have been limiting your relationships, moving further and further away from the close relationships that you are really yearning for. You recognize that by trusting the deserving people in your life with your vulnerabilities allows them to be more trusting of you. That in showing up authentically and honestly,  you are having relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Therapy for Individual Relationships can help you develop healthy relationship skills like: 

  • Understanding and communicating your needs in your relationships clearly and specifically- and respecting them.

  • Listening to and being able to compromise with others in a way that doesn’t violate each others needs and boundaries.

  • Trusting each other to repair the relationship when someone has been harmed.

  • Accepting that different relationships-and different people-may look different. 

  • Increasing comfort and ability to be vulnerable with yourself and others. 

  • The ability to redefine or let go of relationships.

Courageously choose to be vulnerable…

Cultivate the meaningful relationships you desire! 

 Frequently Asked Questions:

  • A: Great question! We work on any relationships that you feel are important to you.

    • Parents

    • Siblings

    • Romantic Partners

    • Extended family (including the in-laws)

    • Friends

    • Colleagues, Co-workers, bosses; peers, teachers

    • People you interact with on a daily basis

    In exploring and developing relationship skills with others, you and your relationship with yourself remains the focus. We focus on recognizing your patterns and roles in relationships, how your inner voice shows up, and how to actively make changes to how you show up and take up space.

  • A: Great question! Maybe you're coming to counseling for a specific relationship. We focus on this relationship and discuss specific tools and techniques you can use to improve this relationship. In this work, we may even find that some of the things that are coming up in this one relationship, may actually be coming up in multiple relationships. Through individual counseling, you are able to identify and address your own internal and external relationship patterns to have better and more fulfilling relationships in all areas.

  • A: I am fully supportive (and may even recommend) of that journey for you! Although I do not provide those services myself, I am happy to help make referrals to other clinicians in the area that do work with couples or families. I also remain available to support you individually, if you choose, which can be complementary to the work you do in couples or family counseling. This gives you your own safe space to more fully yourself: your needs, your role in relationships, your own personal stressors and coping skills-which can bring in valuable insight into your additional counseling spaces that allows their focus to be on the couple and family as a unit.